he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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