your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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