I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sext me about skeletons
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
