I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
