I must be too annoying 4 u.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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