Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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