im about as happy as oj after his trial
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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