Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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