there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
