dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
