I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
