Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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