I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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