i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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