Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
