I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
