the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
