what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
