Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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