your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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