he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
