If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
