apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
