I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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