I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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