think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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