cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
