the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
NoShamevember. You game?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
