and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hippo gnu deer
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
