So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
