youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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