Already got asked if we're dating
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
