Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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