when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
