Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
