They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
