worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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