fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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