So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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