so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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