I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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