Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
