We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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