drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
