i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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