I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
