The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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