just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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