Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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