So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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